


Life Goes On Despite What I’ve Done

by Wealthywetsunny



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Fluff, He’s also got quite the past with Staci 😉, Jacob being an idiot when it comes to expressing himself, M/M, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25746022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wealthywetsunny/pseuds/Wealthywetsunny
Summary: Jacob loves StaciHe didHe still doesSo when Joseph hands Staci over for Jacob to break, it’s a little more than he can handle
Relationships: Jacob Seed/Staci Pratt
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [9shadowcat9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/9shadowcat9/gifts).



Jacob’s not exactly surprised that his brother is handing out the deputies like some kind of twisted birthday gift—he’s done it before. With strangers that happened upon the project and who proved to be a little more connected to the world and thus, needed a more watchful eye. 

So Jacob hardly blinks when Joseph lines the deputies up on their knees before them and asks John who he thinks has the most sin. 

John always gets first pick—though Jacob thinks it’s some kind of test based solely off of Joseph trying to see if John won’t act on emotion and that he’ll do his damn job for once, that he’ll actually be able to tell who’s the most wretched in the group. Hell, even Jacob could guess.

And so does John, the pretty little mouthy girl with her hair tied back in a braid. Mascara not yet running because unlike the others, she doesn’t seem that afraid. Her teeth are bared when John dances around behind her and runs his fingers across her shoulders. Jacob doesn’t mind not getting that one, he’s got his eyes on someone else. But Joseph never lets him or Faith choose, they’ll get what they get. They’re not apt to throw a tantrum. 

Even if Jacob just might if he doesn’t get his hands on Staci. Tears are running down his face and he’s shaking, avoiding Joseph’s eyes when his brother kneels down to cup his cheeks. 

Jacob wants that one. He _knows_ Staci. They’ve got history and he’ll be damned if his pet gets stuck with Faith. Jacob at least needs a chance to explain everything. To tell Staci that their budding relationship was real. That he had every intention of telling Staci about the project—things just happened so fast. It wouldn’t be fair for Staci if things were to end right now. 

Surely Joseph sees the want in Jacob’s eyes, so he doesn’t hold his breath. Lust is a sin, and Lord knows him and Staci dabbled in enough lust for a lifetime. But Joseph glances over his shoulder and quirks his lips up in a smile. “This one will go with you, brother. Make him worthy.”

Jacob hides his flurry of emotions and steps behind Staci, trying to convey through the hand he lays on Staci’s shoulder that he’s safe. That Jacob cares about him, that he always had even if it had seemed like they were nothing more than fuck buddies. 

It’s difficult on the drive home. Jacob doesn’t have anyone to put on a show for, he can explain right now, but the words get stuck in his throat. 

Jacob _hates_ himself for it, but he puts Staci in a cage for the rest of the day. He avoids him, paces in his room and rages at the wall. He curses Joseph’s name, hates that he didn’t have more of a warning for this shit. That he couldn’t have seen Staci at least one last time before the arrest to convince him to join. So he could at least tell Staci that it’d be so much easier that way. 

Now things are beyond fucked up. Jacob doesn’t have much of a choice but to hurt the man who's been stealing his attention away since he moved to Hope County. 

That first day, just for Joseph’s sake, he has to watch Staci in that cage. He has to watch the hope fade from Staci’s eyes. He’s a smart man though, he catches on quickly what’s going on. That all the files he no doubt read on Jacob were very much true. All those allegations and rumors were reality. 

Jacob’s in charge of the pack around here. He’s been doing so much more than sleeping with Staci in the last few months, he’s been hurting people. And Jacob can tell how much that drains Staci. 

Jacob makes sure he gets fed at least, small scraps here and there when he behaves accordingly—Jacob would hate to show he's playing favorites. Not with the reaping so brand new and Joseph still making weekly appearances. So when Staci isn’t screaming wordless nonsense from the confines of his cage and giving his soldiers a headache, he gets fed. When he isn’t throwing dirt and clawing at whoever comes too close. When he just sits there and starves like a good little captive. 

Jacob finally finds the time to make his rounds outside the yard, reaching Staci only once he’s worked out over in his head what to say. 

“Still kicking I see.” Jacob drawls, crouching down on his haunches to peer at Staci. “Though you’re not looking so hot.” 

Staci glares back at him. Nothing but raw anger and hatred. Jacob’s used to people looking at him like that, he beats it out of everyone eventually. He doesn’t want to do that to Staci. To the man he realizes that he loves. 

He waits a moment to see if Staci will say anything, but when he doesn’t Jacob just stands and opens his cell door. 

“Have my men been treating you well?” A question in disguise. _Has anyone been messing with you while I was gone? You’re mine and if anyone touches what’s mine they’ll lose their hand._

Staci grunts when Jacob pushes him onto his back with his foot. He stares up at Jacob, hand raising weakly to shield the sun. 

“They’re assholes,” he coughs. 

“Why’s that?” He reaches into the back of his pocket, tossing the wooden box he produces in the palm of his hand playfully. 

“They started to call me names. Like fucking school children.”

Jacob’s lip twitches. Eyebrow raising to urge him on. “What do they call you?”

“Peaches.”

“Peaches?”

Staci nods as much as he can. Eyes now tracking the wooden box as Jacob stops tossing it and begins to wind it up. “Why Peaches?”

“I dunno.”

“Huh. I like it...has a nice ring to it,” he teases, just like old times, but Staci isn’t smiling. 

Jacob kneels once more, a hand on the back of Staci’s neck to help him sit up. “Speaking of nice—“ he releases the winding key and lets the notes ring. “You like this song?”

Jacob watches Staci cock his head and crinkle his eyebrows as he listens to the first notes play out into the air. Jacob’s not surprised he doesn’t recognize it, it’s something from Jacob’s childhood. A song very close to his heart, so to speak. The same one his foster parents, the ones who used him and his brothers like slaves and put them in their barn like cattle, played on the radio nonstop. It has bad memories, but it made him stronger and so he’s using it now. He cares about Staci—what started as nothing more than one sided attraction grew from the distance Jacob put between them. A mistake on his part. 

It doesn't matter. What’s done is done, and now his feelings are coming up inside him, forcing him to make choices he doesn’t want to make only because he’s never done something like this before. He’s never wanted to watch someone succeed so badly, to see someone prosper. Which is why he needs to make Staci strong. One day Jacob might tell him his story, people usually want to know why he chooses each song, and if they’re good he lets them know.

“Yeah,” Staci finally croaks. “It’s nice, I guess.”

“Good.” He claps the music box closed, cutting the song short. “Follow me.” 

Staci doesn’t cause any problems when Jacob leads him to the top of the Veteran Center and ties him down to a chair in the center of the room. 

“This might take a while, but it’s not like you have anywhere to be, right?” Jacob pets Staci’s cheek, deciding that he’ll need to shave his face. He remembers Staci saying he doesn’t like the stubble that grows only after a few days. “Now make me proud, Staci. Do this for us.” 

It takes just as long as it normally does to get someone under, to have him fully reactive to the song. Which means he isn’t fighting it. Jacob sighs and pulls up a chair, taking a seat beside the door. Watching for a few moments before he grabs for the laptop left on the floor. 

The slideshow he pulls up is one he’s been working on for what feels like weeks. One he has every intention showing to Staci, as much as he hates that. 

“Huh.” Jacob taps the screen with his index finger. Looking at the pictures of wolves and deer—mostly wolves though. He wants his point to get across, after all, even if it’ll scar the object of his affection. He has a job to do. 

He tugs angrily at his hair, nails scraping away at the skin painfully. His eyes flicker to Staci’s limp body, glaring at him despite none of this being his fault. He wants Staci to know how much he adores him, and this isn’t helping. 

He looks back down at the slideshow and snorts. It’s easier for wolves, he muses. It’s so much easier for him to make a wolf love him then a fucking person and isn’t that just sad? 

People aren’t so different though—at least not when he’s done with them. Once he takes them back to their primal state, once they’re forced back to survival mode, they’re almost like wolves. 

Jacob suddenly has a wonderful idea.

*****

Jacob demands respect, how else would he be able to run things without it? Even so, he’s not a fool. He knows Staci isn’t loyal to him, that maybe he was once upon a time, but weeks of abuse has ruined that. He’s changing though, he’s not yelling in his cage, doesn’t kick up a fuss when it’s time to be locked back up. He takes the conditioning. He even stopped complaining about his stomach cramping from the lack of food. He’s a shell of what Jacob knew, and he wants to fix that. 

“You hungry, Pratt?”

He makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, wounded and broken like a helpless pup. It makes Jacob’s lip curl at the corner. 

“Yeah, thought so. C’mon,” Jacob pauses to push open the door to the Vet Center, jerking his head for Pratt to go ahead of him. “Think you can manage the stairs?” Jacob would carry him if he couldn’t. He’d do just about anything for Staci. 

Pratt nods shakily though, dirty nails digging into the palms of his hand. 

“Answer me, Stace.”

The nickname has Staci flinching. He trembles, his foot stopping at the first step. “Yes. I can manage the stairs.” 

Jacob hums and gives Pratt a gentle shove, giving directions at each turn and ignoring the pointed looks his men send their way. Pratt keeps quiet the whole way to Jacob’s office. He’s tired and weak, starved as he is, so Jacob can’t blame him when he opens the door and immediately stumbles and falls. 

Jacob sighs real heavy, he _hates_ this. Hands resting on his hips. He looks down on Pratt, toeing at his ribs with his boot. “You alright there?”

“Jacob—“

“Sir.” Jacob corrects automatically—it’s a habit and he regrets saying it immediately

“Sir,” Staci mumbles, “sorry.” He manages to get his hands under him and push himself up. Knees clicking together like a baby doe. He flinches when Jacob steps fully inside and pushes the door shut, not giving Staci time to back away. Nearly putting them chest to chest. It dredges up old memories. Has Jacob closing his eyes and inhaling Staci’s scent.

“Go take a seat,” Jacob points to the chair behind his desk. “Right there. We’ll get you fed. You’ve been good the past few days, isn’t that right, deputy?”

Staci practically falls into the chair. “Um, I guess, sir.” 

“No need to be humble. You wouldn’t imagine the kind of scum we pick up and throw in those cages.” He shakes his head, falling into their routine of jokes so easily. Like nothing at all has changed. “They’re usually not so compliant. You’ve been nothing but a sweetheart.” 

Jacob doesn’t bother to hide his smile when Staci’s cheeks go red. He tips his head down, fingers twisting together nervously as Jacob begins to putter around in the adjoining kitchen. 

“And that deserves something. Reward the good, punish the bad, that’s how I’m going to get you so sweet for me.” 

Staci nods instinctively, not looking up when Jacob stops to stand beside him. He places a bowl down on the desk—it’s filled with fruit. Staci goes to grab one and Jacob moves without thinking, slapping his hand away. 

“I didn’t say you could take it yet, stand up.” 

With a deep breath he does as told. Going still when Jacob manhandles him with large hands fitting around his waist. Jacob ends up on the chair with Staci sitting in his lap. Dangling precariously on one knee.

“You’re gonna fall like that,” Jacob mutters, looping an arm around Staci’s waist to pull him further up Jacob’s thigh until his back is flush with Jacob’s chest. “Are you going to keep being good for me?” He reaches forward and plucks out a slice of strawberry. “Not gonna use teeth or anything.”

“Yessir. I’ll be good. Please.”

He nuzzles into the crook of Staci’s neck, relishing in the other man’s warmth. “Please what?”

“Please may I eat, sir?”

Jacob hums softly and offers the piece of fruit to him. He hand feeds him like that, not wanting to read into how much his insides flutter whenever Staci’s tongue darts across his fingers. 

“Good boy.” Jacob rumbles, running his hand through Staci’s hair approvingly. Staci shakes against him, and Jacob knows why. He has every reason to be scared. Between the training and starvation, it makes sense. 

It isn’t Staci’s fault that he’s scared, it’ll take time for them to be back to the way they were before all this. To show him that Jacob fucked up. He’s man enough to admit it. And man enough to apologize in his own little ways. This is the start of that. He’ll just need to figure out how to do better. He can’t even remember the last time he’d been in a relationship, maybe that’s what he had avoided ever bringing it up. 

They never were meant to be something. He wants to blame Staci for that. He’s the reason why Jacob spent late nights talking dirty into his phone with Staci panting down the line as he jerked his cock roughly in his fist. Thinking of a slim waist and the sharp jutting bones of his hips. Dark raven hair atop his head and that spread across his chest. Someone smaller and submissive and so gorgeous. 

That’s how it started and now he’s here. 

“Up, Peaches.” He taps Staci’s thigh, sighing when Staci nearly leaps off of him. “Go lie down,” Jacob mumbles, gesturing broadly to his cot. 

“Sir?”

“Sleep, Pratt. Relax. You’re alright.” 

Jacob keeps his eyes on Staci as he moves stiffly to sit down. As soon as the weight is off his feet he visibly relaxes, sighing as his eyes shudder closed. He doesn’t lie down like Jacob suggests though, he’s taking the moment in. Maybe waiting for the inevitable catch. Lucky for him there isn’t one coming. 

He’ll figure things out soon enough, realize that he has a place besides Jacob. 

He waits until Staci puts his head down on the pillow and curls under the blanket. Chest rising and falling steadily. Dark black lashes sweeping over pale cheeks, he looks sweet like this. Not afraid—Jacob realizes how much he missed that look. 

Jacob sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He rubs at his eyes, trying to loosen some tension. It doesn’t work, nothing ever does, and so instead he reaches for his radio and switches to John’s channel. 

“You awake, Johnny?” 

He releases his finger off the button, fingers drumming against the desk as he waits. 

There’s a crackle of static and then a faint, “yeah, yeah, I’m up. Is something wrong?” There’s the rustle of blankets, of him straightening himself out. It sounds like Jacob woke him. 

His lips pull into a grimace. John’s right to assume that something might be wrong, that’s really the only reason they’ve been talking lately. Jacob makes a mental note to fix that. 

“No…” he frowns, eyes cast off towards Staci. “Things are running fine up here in the North, it’s more of a…” he struggles to find the words. Tugging at his beard impatiently. “It’s a personal issue, I guess. I just need advice.” There. It’s out. He said it, admitted to quite possibly his only weakness. The soft underbelly of not knowing how to love. 

“Personal issue,” John echoes. He sounds slightly more awake now, good, Jacob needs his brother’s experience. “You want help from me?”

Jacob laughs, “kind of beats the purpose of me being older, huh? I’m supposed to look after you.”

“No, no, of course not! I just,” he blows out a breath, “I didn’t know you needed me like I needed you.”

Jacob looks at Staci again and hopes he isn’t feigning sleep. He doesn’t want Staci to know how scared he is.

“Of course I do, Johnny.” He clears his throat and starts tapping his foot on the ground. “Can I ask you a question then?” 

“Yeah, go for it.” 

Jacob shifts in his chair, muscles a tense line across his back. “What would you suggest I’d do if I were, maybe, trying to…” his lips twist, searching for the right word, “court...someone.” He frowns immediately, yeah that’s not right. “Or if I wanted them to notice me? Like a date.”

The silence that stretches between them is way too long. It leaves Jacob with a sour taste in his mouth. He’s about to tell John to just forget it when he answers. 

“Chocolate would be nice. Flowers too, something classic, people love that, makes them feel like they’re in a Hallmark movie.” John makes a considering hum, definitely more awake now. And excited. Jacob can hear the smile in his voice. “I think that would suit you.” 

“Huh,” Jacob taps a finger against his lips. He isn’t even sure where to get chocolates and a bouquet. 

“Unless you don’t think that’ll be much help?” John quickly amends. “Who is it you’re going after, brother?”

Jacob _sweats,_ he reaches something close to actual panic. Eyes sweeping over Staci’s sleeping body in his bed. He’s curled up like a kitten, the blankets held snug to the gentle slope of his waist. 

Jacob isn’t in the mood right now to hear John’s scorching judgment. Whether that be yellings of sin or just peels of laughter. 

He’s too tired for either outcome. 

And so he keeps it vague. 

“One of my soldiers.”

“Ooh, la, la. Dear brother I’d never imagine you, how do I put it? So utterly cliche. Falling for a trainee.”

If Jacob didn’t know John as well as he does, he’d call his tone mocking. Borderline cruel. It’s a good thing then that Jacob can pick out the small lilt in John’s voice, the note of happiness and joy that almost never makes an appearance.

Jacob savors the moment for just a second longer before John talks again, a hint of longing present—and Jacob knows that John is wishing that right about now he’d have someone in his life too. 

“You two should dress up, make an event out of it. I know that’s not your style, or your soldiers. But I think it’d get the point across, show this person that you really want her.” 

“Him,” Jacob corrects. 

“Him?” John laughs suddenly, “oh well then this makes it all the more better. Guys are so _easy,_ you’ll do fine, brother. But I’m serious, dress up.”

Jacob rolls his eyes, “I doubt he’d care about that, John. He’s been in his uniform since he got here. It’s his last creature comfort, I don’t want to take that away.” Because Jacob’s already fucked up enough. He isn’t going to go any further. 

John makes a confused noise, “just where did you find this new soldier of yours?” 

Jacob feels that same panic from before resurface. His brother is nothing if not supportive, but divulging that information seems wrong. Mostly becuase he still doesn’t understand how he went from wanting to fuck Staci to wanting to date him. It happened overnight it seems, and that makes Jacob uncomfortable, knowing that he was so easily swayed. 

He says goodnight to John before he can ask anymore questions, cutting off the squawk of protest and diving back into the quiet of his office. 

He doesn’t crawl into bed with Staci like he wants, like they’ve done hundreds of times before all this. That’d scare the crap out of him, Jacob’s sure. It’s not like he sleeps much anyway. So he doesn’t mind sitting up all night behind his desk, getting ahead of work so he’ll have more time tomorrow. 

And when tomorrow does come, Jacob lets Staci sleep in. It gives Jacob more time to get ready. Which doesn’t take long at all. John’s general idea of sweets will have to wait just a little while longer, but for now, the feast Jacob prepared should do wonders. 

He pulls in a wooden table stashed away in the basement and has his men lay down food. He has a little bit of everything, he isn’t sure what Staci likes—though he doubts Staci would be picky. The man is starving, after all. Considering just how strong Staci is now—not like Jacob but one day he’ll get there—he can eat like one of Jacob’s soldiers. 

That’s the excuse Jacob uses when Staci rouses and blinks wearily at the table piled high with food. 

Jacob’s weak, he can’t outright admit these strange feelings. These things that he shouldn’t have for a prisoner at all. He shouldn’t _care,_ but hearing the way Staci whimpered in his sleep, how he navigated around Jacob’s room like this was some kind of trap, it hurt just a little bit. 

“Go on,” Jacob urges, “eat something. You need it. You’re so skinny,” Jacob laughs and takes a seat. Waiting patiently and digging into his own food until Staci finally sits down across from him. 

It takes a while before Staci finally starts to eat, and he does so slowly. Surprising, but smart considering his empty stomach. 

“I got you a gift,” Jacob says around a mouthful of food. “Finish eating first, yeah?”

Staci nods, but Jacob can see the tightness in his body. He’s still nervous, still waiting or the other shoe to drop. That never happens, nothing bad ever comes. 

Jacob likes the look of surprise on Staci’s face. 

“Come on.” Jacob grabs a hold of Staci’s upper arm. Tugging him along into the ensuite. Laying on top of the lid of the toilet is a pair of new clothes —something cozier than what he’d been wearing for the past few weeks. A different change of clothes like John had suggested. Not exactly something fancy like his brother probably had in mind, but Jacob made it clear that’s not what he wanted. 

“Try ‘em on.” Jacob pushes Staci forward gently. Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall to watch. Maybe there’s something unethical about it, staring at Staci as he strips, but he can’t bring himself to care. He wants to see what his trials have done to Staci. 

His hands shake as he unbuttons his uniform and shrugs it off. Quickly grabbing for the loose top Jacob provided. Jacob still gets a peak at the bruises and scars that now litter his back. A myriad of colors, showing off how much of a survivor Staci is. Jacob realizes that maybe his subconscious is playing games now, pulling him towards Staci because he’s so fucking strong. 

It’s when he’s struggling with his belt that Jacob steps forward to help. He bats away Staci’s hands and replaces them with his own. Easily pulling the belt out of the loops. Jacob’s hands linger on his pelvis, rubbing circles into his skin. 

His lips twitch beneath his beard. Anger and disgust rising inside him, about to bubble to the surface and become acidic until Staci lays his hand on the center of Jacob’s chest and applies pressure. 

Jacob’s breathing stutters. Eyes struggling to stay open. The touch is intimate. A kind gesture he’s used so many times before to calm Jacob, to keep him grounded. 

Jacob steps back and turns away. Waiting until Staci finishes dressing and whispers a soft “I’m done.”

The outfit is a little big on him, but he’ll grow into it. It had arrived at the Vet Center early this morning, John’s slanted cursive on the front. It’s far more expensive than Jacob ever would have considered buying, but seeing Staci in it now, Jacob’s glad John went through the trouble.

“thank you, sir,” Staci says when all Jacob does is stare. He can’t find it in him to say anything, and so he just clears his throat and steps back into his office, hearing Staci follow close at his heels. 

Jacob pauses at his desk, fingers trailing over his notes. There’s work to be done, there always is, but he thinks he should be able to get away with leaving just for the day. Joseph’s not breathing down his neck like when this mess first started, he trusts Jacob to do his job, and now he at least calls before he shows up. Jacob doesn’t think word will get back to his brother, and if it does, well Jacob really doesn’t care. 

Staci is more important. 

He looks up at Staci and smiles, it feels weird on his face. “Come on, let's go for a drive.” 

“Yessir.”

Jacob keeps his arm around Staci’s shoulders as they walk, planting a mark. Letting his soldiers know that this one is his. He knows Staci hated the secrecy of what they were doing, how Jacob always acted like he was ashamed, he wants to amend that. But Staci is still shaking apart in his grasp, flinching whenever Jacob raises his voice at his men as they pass. 

Eventually they make it past the gates and to his truck, and Staci practically leaps away from him. Running his hands across his skin like he wants to wash away Jacob’s touch. 

They pile into the car and Jacob starts driving, hands loose on the wheel as he tries to relax. He isn’t too sure where he’s going, the general idea of Holland Valley is far too vague, but it’s the best he’s got. Probably the only place he’ll find chocolate. John’s hoarding food for the collapse, there’s got to be some sweets lying around. 

Jacob keeps stealing glances at Staci. Taking in his profile. He’s fiddling with the clothes he’s wearing, avoiding Jacob’s eyes. 

Jacob shifts, coughing into his palm. “You want the radio?”

He shrugs. Then quickly amends himself. “That’s up to you, sir.”

Jacob’s mouth twists. “You don’t have to call me that when it’s just you and I.”

“What would you prefer?”

“My name, Stace. Just...just Jacob, k?” 

Staci looks up at him with wide eyes. Mouth slightly agape. Maybe disbelieving. Jacob’s confusing him, he’s sure of that. This sudden shift in his world has to be disorienting. Especially now, when Jacob is pampering him. 

Jacob blows out an angry breath. Annoyed at himself. He goes to fiddle with the radio, something to distract him before the silence drives him mad. Or makes him say something stupid. 

It’s only when they make it to the Valley that Staci speaks up. “Can I ask a question?”

Jacob’s stomach ties up into knots. He swallows thickly. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“Looking for a bunker around the border, it’s so far away I doubt it’s been picked over.” 

Staci hums. Looking slightly less scared, which Jacob is grateful for. This isn’t going to work if Staci is tense. They need a moment to themselves. And, in this case, the bunker is perfect. They find it in the middle of the woods, tucked against some trees and large rocks. Almost hidden from view. 

Jacob goes in first, letting out a low whistle at the stocked shelves. He runs his hand along the metal storage unit, glancing back at Staci with a grin. 

“Shut the door, we’re gonna be here awhile.” 

Staci raises his eyebrows but does as asked. Standing stiffly at the base of the stairs once they’re locked in. 

“Well,” Jacob prods, “c’mon, help me look. We might find something good.” 

Staci starts out tense, going slow as he steals glances at Jacob. And in turn, very aware that he’s being watched, Jacob keeps himself _light,_ so to speak. He’s got a pep in all his movements, a smile tugging his lips up as he roots around. He tries to show Staci the side of him he’s bound to remember. 

It works. Albeit slowly. But Staci loosens up eventually. Especially when Jacob makes a noise of triumph and holds up a bottle of wine. 

“We hit the jackpot, Stace.” Jacob sends him a wink and laughs when his cheeks go red. “C’mon, yelp me with this.” He yanks at a box full of wine, passing it over to Staci and making a grab for the second crate. They won’t drink it all, but Jacob has every intention of bringing this back home with him. 

It’s forbidden within the project, but so is fornification, and Jacob lets his soldiers do both. It’s certainly not hindering their ability to kill. 

Jacob wanders further into the bunker, setting the box down on a table and motioning for Staci to do the same. 

He hums softly as he rummages through the cupboards, “go and see if there’s a wine cork in any of those boxes.” 

Jacob’s search comes up empty and so he putters back to the stacks of boxes and moves fluidly around Staci to help him look. He peers into boxes that have food in them, glancing up at Staci every now and then. He looks more relaxed, focused solely on the task Jacob had given him, yes, but he isn’t afraid. 

Not yet. Jacob wants to keep it that way. 

Jacob sighs, eyes darting back down when his hand hits plastic. “There we go.”

Staci looks up, “you found it?”

“Nope. Something better.” He takes the box and holds it to his chest, passing Staci as he calls, “come join me when you find the cork.”

Jacob tips the box over onto the table. Finger excitedly sorting through the pile of food until he can easily grab the chocolate bars. It’s nothing name brand, no Snickers or Hershey’s, but it’s chocolate nonetheless. 

He grabs the neck of a bottle and two dusty glasses, falling back onto the couch, cradling his treasure. 

He’s about to go check on Staci, thinking he might’ve ran as the clock above the door marks ten minutes, but then he appears. Wiggling the cork to catch Jacob’s attention before he tosses it. 

“Ah, it’s about time. Here, sit your ass down.” He doesn’t bother making room for Staci, content to let him plop down and end up half in Jacob’s lap. The sudden contact makes warmth spread through Jacob’s chest, has him relaxing back into the cushions. If anything it does the opposite for Staci. Jacob hears his sharp inhale before he’s scrambling away. Spewing apologies that Jacob won’t accept because _he didn’t do anything wrong._

“Easy,” Jacob soothes, reaching out to place his hand on Staci’s thigh. “You’re alright.”

But Staci isn’t listening to him, he’s frozen, glued to the other side of the couch as he stares intently at where Jacob’s hand rests. 

And it clicks. 

Jacob took him all the way to a secluded bunker after handing him a full meal and some new clothes. He’s being so damn nice and now he’s breaking out some wine. 

“No,” Jacob whispers, face dropping slightly. Horrified that Staci would think he’d do anything like _that._ “Absolutely not, Stace, I would never.” 

Staci is shaking, eyes blown wide like he’s waiting for Jacob to go back on his word. 

“Jus’ want you to calm down, that’s all. Figured you’d want to R&R.” _And I love you._ “I didn’t bring you out here to have sex.” 

Staci nods shakily, seeming to calm down only once Jacob removes his hand off his thigh. 

He starts uncorking the wine, laying the glasses out on the coffee table in front of them. He shoots Staci a concerned glance. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” 

“No.” His voice wavers and he winces. Swallowing hard and clearing his throat. “No, I want to.” 

Jacob nods, pouring the wine into the glasses and carefully handing one to Staci. He’s not a lightweight, Jacob’s seen that first hand that Staci knows how to hold his liquor. But it still surprises him when he drains half the glass in one swallow. 

They’re quiet for a very long time. Jacob keeps his distance as he works away at his drink. 

He doesn’t stop Staci from pouring himself a second glass. Jacob limits himself to one, he has to drive them back home—and if there’s time he has one more trip in mind. 

When it seems like Staci has slowed down Jacob pulls out the chocolate and drops them into Staci’s lap. The corners of his lips turning up as Staci gasps. 

“Chocolate?” 

Jacob smiles fully now, hearing the excitement in Staci’s voice. “Yeah. It’s for you. Go ‘head.” 

It’s gone in mere seconds. Coated on his fingers and the corners of his mouth as he eats with something close to reckless abandon. It’s Jacob’s fault, he knows, for starving him. He’s bound to treat his food like it’ll be taken from him at any second. 

It’s when he goes to lick the chocolate off his fingers, sucking them into his mouth and slurping obscenely, that Jacob feels his pants grow tight. He looks away and stands up, stretching. 

“I think we should head out.” 

Staci makes a confirming noise, quick to follow as Jacob rushes from the room and up onto the surface. 

They hit the Henbane next, as much as Jacob hates the angels. He isn’t going to go too far into his sister’s playground. 

“What’re we doing now?” Staci asks, finger tapping idly on the window. 

“Just need to pick up some things.”

He sees Staci turn towards him, frowning. “From Faith?”

Jacob snorts at that, he tries to avoid seeing Faith whenever he can. He never bonded with his new sister quite like Joseph would’ve liked. “Nah,” he scratches his cheek, “from the woods.” 

Staci hums, not questioning him any further. Which is just fine with Jacob, he isn’t sure how he’d justify picking flowers. Hopefully the shock of giving a bundle to Staci will make him shut up. 

“We’ll get out here.” Jacob pulls the car to a stop on the side of the road. Getting out and glancing at Staci to make sure he’s following. 

The brush they walk into isn’t thick, allows for Jacob to keep a lookout for any angles or resistance members. Not that he sees any, it looks like it’s just the two of them out here. 

He pauses among a gaggle of flowers, gesturing towards them with his foot. “How do these look?”

Staci pauses beside him. “For what?”

“Just...like how do they look?” He bites his lip when Staci doesn’t answer. “Are they nice?” Once again that doesn’t garner a reply and Jacob starts to hate himself for thinking this was ever a good idea. Though maybe John is partially to blame. “Do you even like flowers?”

Staci frowns at Jacob, watching him intently. “I—what? I mean, yeah, sure, flowers are nice.” Then softer, “these ones are pretty.”

Jacob breathes out a sigh of relief and bends down to pick some. While he’s crouched down he looks around, lips twisting at the lack of variety. They’ll have to walk a little further if he wants to—

_Snap_

Jacob’s head flicks up as a branch cracks under pressure. His hand drops to his pistol and he’s on his feet in an instant, looking around for any sign of a threat. He goes to tell Staci to stay behind him when he realizes something. 

Staci isn’t anywhere to be found. 

Staci is the one who broke that branch. 

Staci is the one running. _From_ him. 

“Son of a—Staci! Get back here.” Jacob tries not to sound angry, he tries to convey the very real level of concern that’s leaking into his blood, but it doesn’t work. Staci keeps running. 

And all Jacob can think about is what he’s going to do if Staci gets himself killed. He can hardly stomach the thought, but the worse part? He’ll have to face Joseph and act like he doesn’t care. As if Staci’s death doesn’t mean a thing. He’ll have to pretend like he’s happy that he no longer has to have someone so utterly weak beside him at all hours of the day. He won’t get to mourn like he’ll need to. 

He can’t let that happen. 

“Staci!” He pushes through the trees, the clearing they were in seemed like the only part of the woods that weren’t thick. Now all he’s looking at are bushes and trees, tall grass that makes hiding easier. “Staci! I’m not angry, just come out.” He turns in a slow circle, listening for any signs of life.

He feels bile crawl up in his throat. “You’re gonna get yourself hurt,” he tries, still not hearing anything. He only hopes that Staci is nearby, close enough to hear his voice and so he stopped running, afraid he wouldn’t be quiet enough to get away. 

“I’ll have to call my sister, this is her region, it’s her people that will track you. I know you don’t want that.” He hates threatening Staci, especially after all he’s done today, all the progress they’ve made, but it’s the last thing that comes to mind. “I know you don’t want that.” 

When there’s nothing but silence Jacob turns his head to the ground, looking for tracks. He bends down, thinks he sees foot prints, and it’s like that with his back turned that something hits him across the back of the head.

Stars spot along his vision as he’s forced to his hands and knees. He turns his head just in time to see a stick heading for his face. He’s fast, less afraid than Staci is, who’s most likely running off of adrenaline. And he grabs the stick, stopping it from knocking him out. 

Jacob tugs it hard, hopes that the force will make Staci stumble and give Jacob enough time to grab him. But his boy is smart and he drops his weapon, turning around to run in the other direction. Which is fine, Jacob at least knows where he is now. And Jacob’s faster, that helps. 

Jacob doesn’t go in to tackle him to the ground, even if that’d be the quickest and easiest thing to do. It’d be painful, and so he reaches out to grab him. Before he can though, the trees clear away and Staci falls into a lake. 

Jacob stops just in time, falling to his knees and reaching down to grab Staci under his arms. Hauling him out and onto dry land. Staci comes up sputtering, curling up into a ball as he hacks water out of his lungs. 

Jacob pets a soothing hand over his ribs. One hand curled in his hand in case he tries to run again. He’s curiously calm though, and when Jacob tips a finger under his chin he realizes why. 

That was bliss water. 

“Now look what you’ve gone and done,” Jacob mutters, nose scrunching up at the smell. “Let’s get you home, I think that’s enough for one day, Stace.”

He puts Staci over his shoulder, hating how he feels like a corpse. Limp and half dead. He’s very much the same when Jacob loads him back into his truck, and he remains that way the entire drive back. Mumbling softly as Jacob picks him up and carries him to his office. 

Jacob lays him down on the floor, carefully cradling his head until it makes gentle contact with the cement. He grabs a towel and a pair of his clothes. A black t-shirt that isn’t stained with blood and a pair of boxers. They’re a bit big on him, when Jacob finally dries him off and wrestles the clothes on, but it’s better than having him wake up naked. 

He moved Staci to the bed, pausing in consideration before climbing in after him. It doesn’t take long before Jacob grabs Staci and crushes him to his chest. Running his hand through the mop of black hair on Staci’s head.

He’s coming out of the bliss slowly, the milky film in his eyes disappearing as time ticks by. He’s still relaxed though, the drug keeping him placated as Jacob lets him rest his on his broad chest. 

It’s nice, having Staci’s warmth beside him. Feeling him cuddle in closer even if he isn’t in his right mind. It’s what Jacob longs for. It’s short lived though. 

Soon Staci comes out of it. Blinking wearily and trying to move. Jacob just tightens his grip, squeezing him around his torso to stop his squirming.

“Shhh,” Jacob hushes, laying a hesitant kiss to the top of his head. “S’alright. Just relax.”

Staci shakes against him, fingers coming up to rest on his chest and bunch the material or Jacob’s shirt within his grasp. 

He’s terrified. 

Jacob doesn’t know how to tell him everything is going to be okay. He takes to humming, rocking them back and forth until he sees Staci calm down just slightly. He watches Staci fall asleep eventually, after hours of harmless intimacy that makes Staci want to scream. 

Jacob is quick to follow. That night he sleeps soundly. 

*****

“Sir?”

Jacob sighs, eyes flicking over to where one of his soldiers is standing. Staci stops moving, the razor in his hand grazing along Jacob’s neck with each uneasy breath. 

“Thought I said I didn’t want to be bothered. Do you need a crash course on taking orders?”

“No, sir.” He bows his head in a show of submission. All eyes are on them, everyone in the yard watching more intently then before. “This matter concerns deputy Rook and I thought you’d like to know now.”

Jacob’s eyes widen at that and he brushes Staci to the side. He brought her in days ago, she’s been out like a light after every trial. Not giving him the time to talk to her. 

“Well? Go ahead.” 

“She’s awake, sir.”

Jacob nods at that, waving a dismissive hand at his soldier. He sees Staci tense as he steps away, fiddling with the razor and avoiding Jacob’s eyes. 

“C’mon, you can finish as I talk to her.” 

Staci doesn’t acknowledge he’s heard Jacob besides the way he numbly trails along behind him. Looking very much like a kicked puppy, even if the trails have stopped and he’s sleeping beside Jacob instead of in a cage. His reasons to be afraid are dwindling day by day, but now, as Jacob sets up a chair in front of Rook’s cage and tips his head back, Staci looks like he’s going to throw up. 

Jacob speaks idly to her as she comes to, marveling in how gentle Staci is as he shaves his throat. Sometimes his hands linger, cupping his cheeks and the nape of his neck, meeting Jacob’s eyes and biting his lip. He’s cute when he looks at Jacob like that—the little shit probably knows it too. 

Jacob assumes Staci is trying to act sweet to make him stop hurting his friend. He’s loyal, Jacob knows that. But in the end Rook has a purpose, one Joseph is very much interested in, and so Jacob can’t save Rook. He’d like to, if it makes Staci happy, but he can’t. 

He watches Rook crumble to the ground as the song fills her ears. Staci turns away, shoulders slumped. 

Jacob follows, slinging an arm around his waist. He doesn’t flinch, he isn’t disgusted by Jacob’s touch like he used to be. They’re making progress. 

“What’s the matter, Stace?” 

He shrugs, eyes glossing over as they make their way through the yard. 

“You can tell me,” Jacob pushes, squeezing him against his side.

“You’d call me weak.”

“Having feelings isn't weak.” He swallows, looking away when Staci ogles up at him, curious now. “It takes a real strong person to commit to someone. To be able to love someone and take all their baggage—knowing that you’re going to get hurt and still love that person.” He shakes his head, “that’s not weak.” 

“I never said I loved Rook,” Staci whispers.

“Of course you do. Maybe not in _that_ way.” Jacob looks down in time to see Staci flush. “But you love her like she’s family.”

Staci nods, chewing on his lip. “I do. And it hurts to see her hurt.” 

“I know.” Jacob pauses, pulling them both to a stop. “Go and take some time to yourself.” Jacob laughs when Staci makes a choked off noise. “Go ‘head, you deserve it. You’re upset and you probably don’t wanna follow me ‘round right now.” _And I can trust you the same way you trust me._

Finally Staci agrees, a hesitant smile bestowing his face. Stretching fading bruises and healing cuts in a way that must be painful. But he does it for Jacob. 

“Thank you, Jake.”

His heart clenches at the nickname. At what Staci used to call him when they laid in bed together and the project was never something Staci had to concern himself with. Something he didn’t even know existed. 

Jacob watches Staci scamper off until he disappears around a corner. His men know not to touch him, but they also know to stop him if he wanders off the yard. All in all, Jacob’s not worried. 

So it’s a surprise, when not even thirty minutes later, Jacob finds Staci in the mess hall speaking to a group of his finest. Jacob isn’t a jealous man, he isn’t that insecure, but when Staci points at the leftover meat sitting on one of their trays and it’s handed to him, Jacob sees red. 

It’s nothing more than scraps, something left for the family dog. 

That doesn’t matter though. The point is, Staci belongs to Jacob. Should only rely on Jacob. He shouldn’t be taking food from other men. 

With a snarl Jacob crosses the room, stalking Staci as he wanders back outside, scarfing down the food. Unaware that Jacob is right behind him. 

“Peaches!” Jacob snaps, anger making him apathetic in just how much he hates the new name his soldiers have gifted him. “The fuck are you doing?” 

Staci jumps, whirling around to face Jacob. He blinks owlishly. Hands tucked to his chest. 

“What are you doing?” Jacob tries again, advancing on him. 

“I was hungry.”

Jacob laughs snidely. He closes the gap left between them, grabbing the back of Staci’s neck and yanking him forward until he stumbles against Jacob’s chest. 

“Yeah? You must’ve been _starving_.” He gives Staci a slight reprimanding shake. “Couldn’t hold yourself back, couldn’t have just gone and found me. Maybe just ask me.”

“Jacob—“

“I would’ve fed you.” He begins pulling Staci along. His face a mask of rage, making people step out of his way as he passes. 

“But you haven’t been feeding me.” Staci whimpers, heels digging into the dirt as Jacob nears a cage and throws it open. He reaches up to grab Jacob’s wrist, where his hand is still holding onto Staci’s neck. 

“Cause your stomach isn’t ready for it. It’s only been a few days since you were starving.” 

“But that meal, that day with the chocolate…” his eyes flick off to the cage. Maybe hoping that he’s caught Jacob in a lie. 

“And you were sick for days afterward.” Done with the conversation Jacob shoves him forward. Scoffing when he stumbles and falls. “You’re gonna stay in here for a few days, maybe then you’ll understand that your food comes from me.” 

It only takes a day to pass for Jacob to realize that he fucked up somehow. He goes to see Staci early in the morning, crouching down beside the cage and sliding in a canteen and a bowl of soup. 

Staci stays where he is in the corner, cowering from him. Unwilling to meet his eyes. 

Jacob waits, tapping his finger against his chin and staying crouched down. Eventually he holds his hand out for Staci, curling his fingers up to beckon him closer. 

That makes it worse, has Staci whining through his teeth. 

“Stace...sweetheart, look at me.” 

Then the tears start. They run down his face and his body shakes with silent sobs. He’s crying because of Jacob, and he hates it, he hates that he can’t fix it. 

And so he leaves. 

He storms up to his office and slams the door shut. He runs his hand through his hair, tugging at the short strands. And before he knows what he’s doing he grabs for his radio and flicks to John’s channel. 

“We need to talk.” 

“Little busy, Jacob. Can it wait?”

Jacob suppresses the urge to scream. “No.”

There’s a long drawn out sigh on John’s end, he’s talking to someone and softly tells them to give him a minute, before returning his attention back to Jacob. 

“Go ahead, brother.” 

And so Jacob dives into it. A more realistic version of his story. All the way from the beginning, he pours out his soul because if he can’t do that very thing to his brother then who will listen to him? 

He even lets John know of their past. Sin and all—things that would make Pratt blush if he knew that someone else _knew._

And after he’s done, John laughs. A soft breathy thing that has Jacob slouching in his seat. 

“You locked him in a cage?” John clarifies.

Jacob swallows thickly. “Yes.” He toys with the seam of his jeans, awaiting John’s answer. 

“Brother.”

“Hm?”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” 

Jacob scoffs, that’s not the response he needed. Or expected for that matter. 

“Of course he's scared,” John hisses down the radio. “Jesus Christ maybe you should just let him go. You can’t be with Pratt and also do what Joseph wants. It’s one or the other.” 

Jacob hums, showing that he’s listening. He knows John is right—and that hurts. He shouldn’t have to be made to choose, and he guesses in a way Joseph isn’t forcing his hand. He could back out at any time he wants. But that’s his _brother._

He could leave the project and stay in Hope, then at least he’d be able to keep an eye on Joseph and John. That wouldn’t work though, no one would be able to forget about who he once was. What he used to do. 

Leaving the project isn’t an option, not if he wouldn’t end up happy. And alive. That part is important. 

“Are you good, Jake?”

“Yeah…” he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, John. Thanks. Talk to you later.”

John bids him farewell, sounding slightly regretful. 

For the first time in so long he doesn’t know what to do.

*****

Jacob releases Staci from his cage the next day. And the day after that he captures Rook for her next trial. Hopefully her last one before her sacrifice. 

Staci is as dutiful as ever, following closely behind Jacob at every turn. Until he isn’t. Until Jacob wakes up to find Staci gone from their bed. 

He knows what’s happened even before he looks out into the courtyard. 

Rook’s cage is empty. 

“That little snake!” He pulls on his jacket and jeans, storming out of his room and pushing past his people. They stare at him as he passes, some even asking if everything is alright. 

He doesn’t respond to them. His mind is racing, fear finding a home inside his gut. If Staci really has gone behind his back, if he’s helped Rook escape—Joseph’s going to be pissed. 

He’s going to come up to the mountains himself and they’re going to have a little meeting. One where they no doubt speak of Staci’s fate. The same Staci who Joseph assumes Jacob despises.

“Fuck.” He rounds the corner and makes his way to the main control center. Where the speakers set up around the area are hooked up to. He hesitates here, fingers hovering over the display. 

He could play Rook’s song and risk her killing Staci—or the other way around. 

Jacob prays and hopes that he knows Staci, even if he’s changed in the past few months, he hopes that Staci is still loyal to Rook. That he’d risk his own freedom for Rook’s. 

He plays Rook’s song and orders his men to find Staci. To bring him to the front gates where Jacob will be waiting. 

Jacob paces back and forth outside, hand occasionally straying to his radio. He considers calling John, just to have someone to talk to. But John’s patience has a limit, even with his brothers. 

So he resigns himself to waiting until Staci is dragged outside with a split lip and a limp. 

“Did I say to fucking touch him like that?” Jacob snarls, rushing forward to grab Staci and cradle him to his chest. His men don’t speak at first, taken aback. “Did I?” He tries again.

“No, sir. Sorry, sir, we weren’t aware.”

Jacob glares, annoyed but not angry enough to punish them. Not right now. He doesn’t have time for that. He’s been formulating a plan for the last half hour and he thinks it just might work. He only needs a little time. 

“Lets go.” He tugs Staci along, giving him a light shove into the passenger seat. He slides behind the wheel, starting up his truck and pretending Staci’s soft whimpers aren’t pulling at his heart strings.

“Why’d you have to do that, Stace?” He risks glancing over, noting how Staci’s shoulders curl unaward. Still scared of him. “You coulda had it nice here, just you and me. Maybe we could’ve had a life one day.” He sighs, fingers drumming on the wheel. “Would’ve been nice. But now you’ve done something fucking stupid and Joseph is going to be breathing down my neck to get rid of the Judas in our flock.” 

He pauses, lets his words sink in until Staci begins begging. Which isn’t what he wanted at all. 

“Stop it,” Jacob cuts in. Reaching out to squeeze his thigh and run his thumb back and forth in what he hopes is a soothing manner. “It’ll be fine. You just need to trust me.” He cuts his eyes over to Staci once more, “think you can do that?” 

Staci nods, holding a hand against his chest to keep himself calm. Jacob could see the gears turning behind Staci’s eyes as he gazed over Jacob’s profile, looking for just a shred of the Jacob he used to know. 

The man who fucked him into his shitty bed and stayed afterward to lie by his side and make coffee in the morning. 

He was in there. He’d just have to show Staci. 

But the beginning, the part where they’d have to play pretend, would be hard. Mostly because Jacob can’t risk letting Staci into his plan, he isn’t too sure Staci would be able to force his fear. So his fear will have to be real. 

Jacob doesn’t say anything as he pulls up to his bunker and he hauls Staci out of the car. Yanking him by be back of his neck, snarling out a sharp “shut the fuck up,” when he cries out. 

“Sir,” one of his lookouts addresses. “Should I inform anyone of your arrival?”

Jacob pauses to push his key into the slot next to the door. Letting the metal hinges work away, slowly sliding it open. 

“Yeah, tell everyone in the basement to clear it until further instructed.”

“Yessir.” The man’s eyes fleetingly dart to Staci, his lower lip curling up in disgust. He spits in Staci’s direction, and Jacob has to force an amused laugh. 

“Lets go, pet.” Jacob tugs him along as he walks, going as fast as he can just to make Staci trip up. He forges his face into a mask of anger and rage, muttering things under his breath as he goes. And all the while Staci is locking up, his eyes glazing over and his muscles becoming tense. There are tears running down his face and he’s started to beg. 

It’s pathetic. Jacob tells him so as he forces him through the final doors that lead to the basement. “Are you going to sit down, sweetheart? Or do I need to force you?”

“I-I’ll sit...sir. I’ll do anything.” 

Jacob nods, watching Staci collapse in the nearest chair. And now the fun begins. 

He records it all. Makes Staci’s punishment a public broadcast as the man snivels and begs, pleading that he’ll never cross Jacob again. That he just needs another chance. Jacob ignores it all, keeps in mind that Joseph will be seeing this at one point. That Joseph will think Staci dead—at least in a couple weeks. No food or water will do that to someone. 

Jacob leaves Staci there screaming. A week later he meets with Joseph, who puts a hand on his shoulder and tips their foreheads together, murmuring something about strength. 

“I’m proud of you, Jacob, weeding out the weak like you’ve done. Taking care of that Judas.” He sighs heavily, frowning, “I’m sorry that I didn’t catch that sooner. That I couldn’t have prevented it, just to save you the trouble.” He tapers off, twisting his hands in front of him anxiously in a show of nerves that he rarely shows. 

“S’alright, Joe. It’s taken care of. Just a hiccup in the road, yeah? We’ll get the deputy again, Eli will be culled and the militia will be destroyed. And we’ll be one step closer to winning this thing.” Jacob smiles, a half quirk of his lip that Joseph mirrors. 

“I’m lucky to have you, brother. Thank you.” 

That very day Jacob goes back to his bunker. It’s been a week. A week without food or water. A week without any human contact. 

Jacob fears he might already be dead. And when he storms into the basement—where his men have been told to avoid—Staci looks dead. Slumped over in the chair, the only thing holding him up being the metal bindings around his limbs. His chest doesn’t look like it’s moving, and so Jacob rushes forward. Pulling Staci’s head up to get a better look at his face. 

He cups Staci’s face, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into his dirty skin. 

“Stace?” He doesn’t reply, lips slightly parted as shallow breaths pump through. “Staci? C’mon, wake up. Come back to me.” Jacob lays a kiss to his cheek, then down his jaw and across his chapped lips. 

He gets a response from that, lips pursing to meet his kiss.

“Jacob? Is that you?” 

“Yeah.” His voice cracks, joy flaring in his stomach. “Yeah, honey, it’s me. You’re gonna be alright. C’mere.” Jacob takes off the metal cuffs around his wrists and ankles, wincing at the raw exposed skin underneath. 

“Think you can put her arms around my neck?” 

Staci whines, but he complies. Raising his arms weakly and snuggling into the crook of Jacob’s neck. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come for you sooner.” He whispers into the mop of Staci’s hair. Jacob’ll let him cut it if he wants. He’s always liked it a little shorter than it is now, curling at his shoulders like Joseph’s when he actually lets it down. “I needed to make it look real.” 

Staci blinks wearily, “you’re not going to kill me?” 

Jacob swallows thickly, avoiding the halls of his men. They’re loyal to him, but some even more so to the Father. They’d tell Joseph in a heartbeat if he asked if they saw Jacob leave the bunker with deputy Pratt. 

“I’m not going to kill you,” Jacob confirms, winding through the corridors and coming up to a back door—an emergency exit. “You’re coming back home with me. Safe and sound, doesn’t that sound nice?” 

“Water? And food?” Staci asks, snuggling further into Jacob’s neck. “A bath?” 

“All of that, and more. You’re going to live the high life.” It’s a promise Jacob isn’t sure will pan out. Because he can’t hide Staci forever. People in the Vet Center will see him, and Joseph will visit and if someone says the wrong thing… 

Sooner or later he’ll have to come clean, but that’s a risk he’s willing to take for love. 


	2. Chapter 2

Staci isn’t responsive, not anymore. He had been when Jacob first took him from his bunker and drove back to the Vet Center, mumbling panicked nonsense. He’s quiet now. Eyes glazed over and unseeing despite how wide his pupils have blown. 

Jacob reaches around blindly in the backseat until his fingers catch on a stray canteen that’s only half full. He props his knee on the wheel to keep the car steady as he uncorks it. 

“Here, drink a little.” Jacob pushes the canteen in Staci’s direction, but his head has fallen against the window and he’s left it there to bump on the glass every time they pass over a pothole. “Stace.” 

Staci’s hand twitches where it rests on his jeans, he grunts low in his throat, eyes clenching shut. 

“Later, then,” Jacob mumbles, taking a swig himself and tossing it back as he repositions his hands on the wheel. 

By the time they arrive at the Vet Center Staci is conscious enough to struggle out of his seatbelt and get his feet under him when Jacob pops the door open. He gives Staci a wide berth, unsure how he’d react if Jacob were to just pick him up. Instead he trails along slowly, ready to lurch out and grab him if he falls. 

He doesn’t, surprisingly, though he hesitates at the stairs. His hand is braced on the wall, one foot on the first step. He breathes out through his mouth slowly, shoulders hunching. 

“I can help,” Jacob ventures. 

Staci tenses, hands balling up into fists. “Why the hell would I want you to touch me? Leave me be, Jacob.” Staci spits his name like an insult. And that’s enough for Jacob to back off. 

He’s tempted to reach out the whole way to the top though. Every time Staci sways and staggers Jacob’s heart clenches. 

_ He did this.  _

Staci doesn’t bother looking back at him when they make it to the top floor. “Your office?”

Jacob grunts in affirmation, moving a little quicker to push the door open for Staci. He doesn’t expect Staci to thank him, but it still stings when he just hobbles past silently. 

Jacob stands there for a few seconds too long as Staci makes himself at home. Falling back down onto the bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. 

Jacob tries to make himself busy, toeing off his boots and hanging his jacket up. Going towards the cabinets to grab a glass. He fills it with tap water, standing there dumbly as he watches the rise and fall of Staci’s chest. Jacob’s not sure if he fell asleep, and honestly he’s nervous to wake him. Even if he knows what Staci needs right now more than anything is water. 

He makes his footsteps loud as he approaches Staci, nudging his foot where it’s hanging off the bed. “Gotcha some water.” 

Staci glances up at him, and it looks like he isn’t going to move at all. The fatigue is finally setting in, all that adrenaline gone. He shoots up quickly though, snatching it from Jacob like it might be taken away. 

He drains it in just a few seconds. Panting as he stares up at Jacob. He shakes the empty glass, coughing out a feeble “more?” 

Jacob takes it wordlessly, “drink slower next time, you’re gonna make yourself throw up.”

Staci scoffs, “like you care.” 

He flinches, shoulders hunching at the tone Staci’s voice suddenly took. “I left you there for your own good,” he mumbles, dragging his feet over to Staci to hand him the refilled glass. He kneels down on his haunches, hands hanging limply between his legs. “I had to make your death look real.”

Staci stops drinking—he’s not going as slow as Jacob would like—and stares at Jacob. “My death. Your family thinks I’m dead? Rook, her too?” 

“Yeah.” Jacob dips his head. “They had to. After helping Rook escape,” he laughs, “impressive stunt by the way, but Joseph would’ve wanted you punished.”

“He wanted me dead.”

Jacob nods. 

“This isn’t going to work. He’ll find out, Jesus Christ Jacob—“

He stands up and rushes forward, shoving the half empty glass out of his hands and surrounds him in the warmth of a hug. “Stop it, hush.” Jacob lays a kiss to the top of his greasy hair. “I’ll handle everything, don’t worry. I won’t let him hurt you, Stace.” 

Staci lets out a sob that catches in his throat. He claws at Jacob’s back, long dirty nails digging in until Jacob lets out a low grunt of pain and steps away. He lets his hand linger on Staci’s cheek, thumbing at his growing beard. “It’s alright, honey, I told you that you just need to trust me.”

“Yeah, then you left me for a whole week.”

“One of my men should’ve slipped you some water.”

“For one day!” 

Jacob snarls, hands tossing through his hair. Doesn’t Staci realize how hard this has been for him? How many risks he’s had to take? 

“One day is all I could afford. I can’t have everyone knowing that you’re alive.”

Staci shakes his head and scowls. Glaring at Jacob as he rocks on his heels. He tugs at his beard, eyeing Staci cautiously. “Let's get you clean and fed, alright? Then you can sleep and we’ll fight in the morning.”

“Sounds good.” 

Jacob huffs a laugh, extending his hand for Staci to take. Which he doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t. Staci at least listens to him when he tells him to start the bath, leaving Jacob alone in his office. He grabs a can of soup and goes to heat it up on the stove just as he hears the tub start. 

“There’s a razor in there if you need it!”

Staci makes no noise to show that he heard Jacob, but it’s only them two on this floor, no other noise to distract him. So Staci’s ignoring him, which is well deserved. Jacob can put up with that. 

He pours the soup into a bowl and tosses a spoon in, he goes over to the bathroom and raps his knuckles on the door despite it being half open. 

“Can I come in?”

Staci mutters something that Jacob can’t make out, though he guesses Staci wouldn’t hesitate to tell him off if he really minded, so he pushes the door open the rest of the way and settles down on the floor beside the tub. 

The water is bubbling hot, steam rising up into the air and curling around them. Making the mirror above the sink go misty. Based on how Staci’s skin is already a bright shade of red, Jacob would bet it’s painful. He wants to say something but bites his tongue. Now isn’t the time. 

“I got you some soup,” Jacob says, shaking the bowl lightly to grab his attention. He spoons some broth and reaches out, waiting patiently for Staci to open his mouth as he glares and glares and fucking suffers. “I said I’m sorry, Stace. What do you want me to do?”

Staci blinks at him, looking strangely indifferent. “I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything you  _ can  _ do Jacob. You tortured me, and for what? Joseph’s going to find out sooner or later so what was the point?!” 

Jacob nods, pulling away. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Clearly.” 

A little snark. That’s new. Jacob lets him have it. 

He sighs, “what happened to fighting tomorrow?” He places the bowl on the rim of the tub, letting Staci’s eyes dart to it. Jacob knows he’s starving, a week without food will do that to anyone. 

“ _ You _ said that. I never agreed.” 

Jacob hums, fingers twisting in his lap as he digs his nails into his skin. “Would you feel better if you hit me?”

Staci surprises him then. He barks out a loud burst of laughter, his entire body shaking with the noise as he doubles over in the water and falls apart. 

“I hate you,” Staci says between laughs. “You’re such an idiot.  _ God.  _ You’re so clueless about this whole thing. Fuck.” He presses a hand to his chest, “help me out.”

“Don’t you want to shave? And eat?”

“I’ll eat out there.” Staci tips his head and manages a broken little smile. “Besides, we match now,” he strokes his own growing stubble, “or would you rather me baby faced?”

“Your choice, Staci.”

“Good answer.” 

Jacob huffs and stands, knees creaking with the effort. He grabs under Staci’s arms and hauls him up, taking a towel to wrap around his slim body. Staci doesn’t waste any time wandering back to bed and plopping down, watching as Jacob follows him with the soup in his hand. 

This time when Jacob offers the food Staci takes it. He spoons the broth into his mouth, eating...well eating like a man starved. Jacob has to look away as Staci makes a mess of himself. 

_ His fault. He did this.  _

Jacob takes the bowl away when he’s done, pulling a blanket over his drying body as he lays down. He shakes his head no when Jacob offers some clothes. Jacob understands, the only thing he has would be the outfits he hands out to his soldiers with the project's symbol or his own clothes. It’s too soon for either. 

Jacob will wash his uniform while he sleeps, maybe he’ll ask John to buy some clothes. And hopefully said little brother won’t ask too many questions.

He settles behind his desk, sitting and doing nothing for a whole ten minutes while he just watches Staci sleep. It’s the knocking at his door that draws Jacob out of his reverie. 

The last person he expects to walk through the door is Joseph. 

Jacob’s mouth goes dry at the sight. Despite the way he feels his heart stop, he manages to stutter out his words. 

“Joe. What’re you doing here?” He hides his own wince the best he can, he doesn’t think he’s ever sounded so guilty. 

Joseph’s eyes slide over to Staci, and he doesn’t look surprised. But his brother has gotten so good at hiding his emotions over the years, there’s really no telling what’s going on inside his head. And that thought is enough to make Jacob panic. 

“Just wanted to see him. That’s all.” 

“Joseph—“

His brother holds up his hand to keep Jacob quiet. Any other day and Jacob would ignore it. He’d barrel on and laugh at Joseph’s attempt to reign him in, but now? He falls silent, curious to what he’s got to say. 

“I know you love him. You have for a while now, for years.” He sighs, all drawn out and weary as he takes a seat across from Jacob. “You’re not the most subtle.”

“You aren’t angry,” he observes softly. “Why not?”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with. It wouldn’t be right for me to get upset.” 

Jacob nods, at least Joseph hasn’t lost all the sense in his head. There’s more coming though, Joseph wouldn’t have traveled all this way just to say that. 

Joseph shifts in his seat, glancing over his shoulder back at Staci. His lips form into a tight line, muscles tense every time he moves. 

“He helped deputy Rook escape, right Jacob?”

He considers lying, but figures that Joseph already knows the answer anyway. 

“Yeah, he did.”

“And he’s still here? You’re comfortable with a Judas living right beside you? He’s still loyal to his friends, a worthy trait but not one that would benefit us.” Joseph fixes him with a glare, “he doesn’t deserve to walk through the gates.”

Jacob laughs none too kindly, “hang on, at the start of all this you made it clear to each of us that all the deputies are supposed to be kept alive.”

“That was before I knew that some of them were too far gone to begin with. Some people can’t be reached.” 

Joseph says it indifferently, as if moments before he hadn’t admitted to knowing how much Jacob loved Staci. His own brother is making him choose. What kind of fucked up test is this?

“Leave, Joseph.”

Joseph stands but makes no move to go. 

“I want him gone by tomorrow.”

Jacob shows his teeth in an angry smile. “Fuck you.” He waves his hand towards the door, “now get out before I drag you out.”

Joseph looks more amused than anything. As if Jacob wouldn’t actually do something like that. Like he’s never let his wrath get the better of him before. Jacob wants to vault across his desk and throttle him. 

He buries that down though, glaring at Joseph as he hums. 

“Wouldn’t that make quite the spectacle, The Father being assaulted by his herald. Who do you think they would help?”

Jacob huffs, “they’d be too scared to step in.” Of that, he has no doubt. 

Joseph just shakes his head, turning to leave. He gives Staci one last glance before he’s gone. 

Jacob wants to scream. Instead he grabs the nearest thing he can—a cold mug of coffee—and hurl it against the wall. 

The noise makes Staci jolt awake with a scream. In a flurry of movement he scrambles back on the bed until his spine hits the headboard. 

His eyes find Jacob’s as his chest heaves with each painful breath. He looks like a wild animal, trapped and ready to run. 

“Easy,” Jacob murmers, suddenly feeling much too tired for this. “It was just me. Sorry.” He looks off to where the glass shards litter the floor, where the coffee is dripping down the wall. He’ll clean it up later. 

Staci follows his gaze and snorts. “Temper tantrum?” 

He shrugs, “what can I say? Joseph gets on my nerves.” 

Jacob stands up with a groan, unbuckling his belt and laying it on his desk. He takes his jeans off, trying to focus more on the task of getting undressed than the way Staci is frowning at him. 

“You spoke to Joseph?”

“Yeah, paid me a little surprise visit.”

Staci shifts, making the bed creak. “Oh.” 

“Don’t worry. You’re fine.” He gets his jeans off the rest of the way and wanders over to the bed, “make room.” 

“Little early to sleep,” Staci mumbles, lying down with Jacob, a hand hesitantly placed on his stomach. 

“Been a busy day.” Jacob tosses his arm over his face, pushing his head deeper into the pillow. “I need the rest.” 

“Can I—y’know…” 

Jacob has to move his arm just to see what Staci is getting at. He’s got his eyes locked on Jacob’s chest. He’s worrying his lip between his teeth, looking more nervous than Jacob’s ever seen him. 

“Go ahead.” 

The feel of Staci’s lithe body pressed against Jacob’s is welcoming. It’s helped in the past to calm his nightmares when he wakes sweaty and tired, needing someone to cling to. 

Jacob has a feeling Staci is going to be the one with nightmares tonight. He’s honestly surprised Staci slept as long as he did. 

“You don’t gotta sleep, Stace. You’re free to wander the floor.”

“No.” The response is immediate, nothing more than a soft breath that Jacob would’ve missed if Staci wasn’t so close. “You said to trust you…” he blows out a heavy sigh, “I’m trying, Jacob. I just...I remeber what things were like before all this. I saw a different part of you—that wasn’t a lie, was it?”

“Not at all. That was all real. My love for you was real.” The words leave Jacob’s lips before he has a chance to consider it. He goes tense, holds his breath and waits for Staci to yell at him. To accuse him of being a heartless monster who’s incapable of love. He is. He’d accept those words. 

But that never comes. Staci lays a kiss to the center of Jacob’s chest, across a patchy spot of scar tissue. It’s like that when Jacob is able to drift off. It can’t be for long though, at least it doesn’t feel very long before he’s being shocked awake by the sound of crying. 

“Stace?” Jacob’s hand reaches out, trying to find him. He comes up empty and immediately is sitting up. Eyes adjusting to the dark as he scans the room. 

It takes a while until he finds where Staci has curled up. He’s between the small space the fridge and the countertop creates. 

_ Jesus Christ, how’d he even fit there?  _

It’s worrying. Shows just how much weight he’s lost. 

“Staci.” Jacob tosses the blankets off and rushes over on bare feet. He crouches down without thought and barely has time to dodge the swipe Staci rakes the air with. “Easy, kid. S’alright.” Jacob watches Staci’s chest heave with each breath, sees the way his eyes dart around wildly and he stops himself from going to touch him. 

“Can you hear me? Do you know where you are, Staci?”

Staci bobs his head in a nod, “of course. Yeah.” He scrubs at his face, wiping away at stray tears. “It’s just a nightmare. I’m fine.”

Jacob stares at Staci for a long while, thinking that maybe he’s just making a joke out of this whole thing because there’s no way he thinks that Jacob is dumb enough to believe him. 

“Come back to bed, c’mon,” Jacob holds out his hand and breathes out a sigh when Staci takes it. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Don’t need it.”

“Staci—“

“I’m tired, Jacob. Please. I just want to go back to bed.” 

Jacob can’t argue with that. Not when he’s faced his own demons for years. He gets it, probably more than anyone else in Hope County. So he just nods placatingly and pressing a hand on the small of Staci’s naked back. Urging him along towards the bed until he lies down. 

Jacob presses in close to him, wrangling him closer hesitantly. Staci doesn’t resist, but he sighs, long and drawn out. All shaky like he’s about to cry. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you really want to hear about that?” Staci whispers, huddling in closer to whisper in Jacob’s ear. “Do you want to hear about how I dreamt of starving and begging for water? It was so real, Jacob. Like I was right back there, tied up and so fucking scared to die.”

Jacob doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s left silent for a good while. Nearly shaking when Staci pulls away and rests his head on Jacob’s chest. 

Jacob doesn’t fall back asleep after that. 

*****

Jacob can’t keep his eyes off Staci, like he’ll float away into dust if he looks away for just a moment. He’s got more important things to do right now—like watching the new recruits spar, but Staci has this look on his face like he’s going to bolt. 

Jacob sighs, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the brick wall of the Veteran Center. 

“Sir? If I may?”

His head turns slightly, keeping Staci in his periphery as he stares down at one of his own. The woman standing off to his left isn’t someone he recognizes, but she’s regarding him with the confidence of one of his Chosen. 

Interesting enough to catch his attention. 

“What is it?” He asks lowly.

“Your boy over there,” she jerks her head over to where Staci is lingering in the middle of the yard, “I think getting away from here would help whatever he's going through.”

Jacob can’t help the short laugh that bursts out of his chest. He tips his head back, eyes squinting at the brightness of the sky. It takes a moment before he can look at her, trying to reign in what he’s supposed to say after that. 

She beats him to it though. 

“When my grandad came back from Vietnam—he was a pilot, flew down to airlift his fallen comrades off the battlefield—he wasn’t the same. Went through hell, some of which I’m sure he never fully told me.”

He grunts, “what’s your point, soldier? So far this doesn’t look like it has anything to do with  _ my boy.” _

She frowns at him, maybe slightly peeved. Which is even more interesting. Lots of his people don’t have the guts to look at him like that. 

“I’m trying to say that my grandma couldn’t help him through his pain. Almost dying, being stuck as a POW, all that crap gets muddled in your head until you break and go mad. I told him he should’ve gone away somewhere, that it’d help him reset his brain and find some normalcy.” She looks back over to Staci, a sense of longing in her gaze. 

Jacob considers her words, this strange advice that seemingly came out of nowhere, and nods. He can’t bring himself to thank her, he’s got too much pride for that. And really he thought he was being subtle about this. 

She copies his nod and turns to walk away. She makes it halfway back to where she’s stationed feeding the judges, when he calls out to her. 

“Whatever happened to your grandad?” 

Her gait stutters, and without looking back she says “he died, sir. Found him hanging in the garden shed with his wrists sliced.”

Jacob hums softly in his throat, much too soft for her to hear. She doesn’t need his sympathy, Jacob can see she’s strong. Hell, she had to be considering she’s among his ranks. Brave, too, coming up to him and throwing around advice the way she did. 

It’s good advice though. Fuck, at this point Jacob will take anything he can get. He’s losing his mind trying to figure out how to help Staci before he loses his mind. 

He makes plans to leave the next day. Putting one of his own in charge with orders to report to John if things get out of hand. John will cover for him, he won’t go yelling to Joseph that their brother in the mountains is on vacation. 

Jacob knows the Whitetails better than anyone in Hope, and so he knows the cabin he chooses in the middle of nowhere is abandoned and that they won’t be disturbed. 

When Jacob sees the gleam in Staci’s eyes, the unadulterated excitement, he knows this is worth it. Even if he gets some sort of lecture from Joseph. It doesn’t matter, everytime Staci sleeps soundly through the night, everytime he smiles genuinely and laughs along with Jacob, he knows it’s a risk he’s willing to take. 

He doubts Staci has forgotten about his time in Jacob’s bunker, that sort of thing sticks with someone, but he’s doing better. He isn’t repulsed by Jacob’s touch anymore, which is progress. 

Joseph ruins it. Like he does most things. 

Jacob wakes up one morning and Staci isn’t sleeping next to him. It’s strange for Jacob to wake later than to two of them, but he doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t panic like he did the first few nights where he would find Staci curled up somewhere sobbing. 

So he takes his time getting ready for the day. Actually enjoys the warmth of a shower and thoroughly scrubs under his nails. He ambles around the cabin pulling on fresh socks and wandering over to the kitchen to make some coffee and a piece of toast to chew on as he stares out the window. 

It’s been two hours and still no sign of Staci. 

Jacob goes to find him. He heads outside, doing a few laps around the cabin and begins to grow more worried as time ticks on. 

He eventually finds Staci by the lake they fish at when they’re feeling seafood for dinner. He’s got his head underwater. He’s being  _ forced  _ underwater, arms moving wildly as he tries to attack the man standing over top of him. 

Jacob's heart stutters. 

He recognizes who’s strangling Staci.

His own brother. 

Joseph. 

He doesn’t  _ think,  _ he doesn’t waste any time on needless words. He just runs full tilt until he’s tackling Joseph, shoving him off and into the water where he falls down on his knees. Behind him he hears Staci scramble to his feet and take in heaving lungfuls. 

Still alive then, thank god, he wasn’t too late. 

“What the  _ fuck _ are you doing!?”

“J-Jacob. Brother, hello.” He rises shakily, holding out a hand as if that would placate him. 

“‘Hello?’ That’s all that you got to say? What do you think you’re doing?” Jacob is seething, ready to strike his brother and knock him out. Or do worse. He’s thinking about doing a lot worse. 

“I wanted to see where you ran off to. It’s been weeks and no ones heard from you. I was worried…” he trails off, swallowing audibly and glancing back at Staci who’s crawled his way to the shore. “I didn’t know you had come here with him. But then I saw him and…” Joseph stares at Jacob like he’s the one who’s done wrong. “I was under the impression he was dead.”

“No.” Jacob laughs, shaking his head as his hands curl into fists. “That’s what you wanted, Joe, not me.” He takes a step forward, forcing Joseph backwards until they’re both on dry land. “I’ve given up so much for you and you can’t even let me have this one thing?”

“He can’t be trusted. I’m only trying to help—“

“No. I don’t want to hear it.” Jacob grabs the front of Joseph’s shirt and tugs him near. Until their noses touch. “If you ever come near Staci again you won’t be walking away unharmed. I can promise you that. Now get the fuck out of my face,” Jacob shoves him away, making him stumble. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but when I do return, it’ll be with Staci. So get used to the idea.” 

Joseph stares at him, pupils blown wide as he glances between Jacob and Staci. He pulls in a shaking breath and nods. A sadness overtaking his eyes. It doesn’t pull at Jacob’s heart like it normally would. Because there’s no regret there. He would’ve killed Staci and not felt a thing. Jacob doesn’t want anything to do with him. He’ll play his part in the project, but for Staci. That’s all that matters now. 


End file.
